This is going to probably seem like a photo blog today, but who doesn’t like pictures!
The day started with a drive to NJ. I was optimistic that I could handle anything that came my way and was going to have a good time. I did have a good time, but there were some snags in between.
That tonight’s gonna be a good night….
First, since I was going to be in my hometown, I made a quick stop at the house I grew up in. I lived in that house until I was 18 and have a lot of memories there. At first, I quickly drove by since someone was outside. I went back around the block and stopped and talked to him. It was the same owners since we left, and I asked if I could take a photo. It looks so different yet so much the same!
My old house.
Next stop, the 7 min drive to a friend’s house to get ready! I was getting excited.
The ceremony began. The bride looked so beautiful. I started to tear up and then could not control my crying. I was crying so much I had to get up and walk out. Not a good way to start the day, but I was hoping this would get it all out.
Danielle going down the aisle.
I collected myself and was able to watch from outside the glass. It was a beautiful ceremony and I was glad I was able to be there. We had some time in between, so went to a friend’s house to hang out for a bit. It was nice to relax and catch up. Time went by fast and I was ready to have some fun. Cocktail hour was a blast. I enjoyed my one wedding cake martini and spending time with my friends. I was confident it was going to be a great night.
I feel so classy with a martini glass in my hand.
My hot date
The hour went by quickly and it was time to go into the reception. It was so beautiful and I was surrounded by friends. Again, I was ready to do this! The introductions were great and I was really getting into it. The next thing I heard was “And now the bride and groom will dance their first dance to From This Moment by Shania Twain.” I turned to my table and said, ” this is MY wedding song,” and ran out the door, down the hall and outside, as quickly as possible. I did not want to get upset again and I knew I could not watch someone else dance to this song. My “date” and my friend chased my down the hall in high heels. Thinking back, this must have been a hilarious sight. I got through it without a tear, or hearing the song, and went back in. Things got fun. When the first slow song came on, a good friend danced with me. Thankfully, his wife is a good friend too and she didn’t mind. I don’t even know what song it was, but it meant a lot that someone cared and he did not think twice about just grabbing my hand and taking me to the dance floor. The fast songs came on and I danced and sang and had a blast. One of Alex’s favorite songs was “Sweet Caroline.” I danced and sang my ass off, all the while thinking “this one’s for you baby.” Here is a video of he and a friend singing (inappropriately) to that same song. Sweet Caroline.
Things were going great when they showed a slideshow of photos the photographers had taken earlier in the day. They were beautiful. Watching, I started thinking of our days of wedding photography together and again, burst into tears. I was so mad at myself. I felt like I made an ass of myself and made other people uncomfortable at the table. Everyone assured me it was fine and they were all missing him too. I’m still disappointed that I could not have a normal night out without getting upset. With all of this going on, I went to the ladies room at just the right time and missed having to actually say no to going up for the bouquet. I know I am single, but I just do not feel comfortable with all of that. I am glad I was not involved. I calmed down and had some dessert and started getting back into the swing of things. Toward the end of the night “the song” came on. The song being the one I have described before. Our song that we always miss and now I keep hearing. My cousin asked what I wanted to do, leave, dance etc. Another friend said he would dance with me. It worked out well and I felt better about it. Again, thankful his wife was okay with that. Just to make things funnier, as I was leaving, I saw a bride from another wedding going on. She was wearing my wedding dress! Well not mine, but the same dress! I just had to laugh by this point. The day had some major ups and downs, but I am glad I went. I would have been upset if I missed it. It was a step and even though I did not get through it with flying colors, I got through it. I know people are proud of me and I should be too. I’m trying.
Thank you to everyone who got me through the night, especially, Laura, Liz, Adam, Joe, Shannon, Amanda, and Brian.
I got up this morning to find a little man in my bed!
I packed up, stopped at my former job for a quick visit, and then headed back to Delaware. I was amazed to see these photos still on the wall!
Nathan and Juan (top Right)
Danette and I (Second row, middle)
I’m exhausted and emotionally drained, but happy to be home to this little face.
Alexa going grocery shopping while mommy was away.
No matter what happened, I did it.