Archive for June, 2014

Father’s Day

Father’s Day has come and gone and I am finally taking the time to write about it. There are a lot of mixed feelings and emotions here. First, Alexa is not old enough to understand what Father’s Day is or even what a Father is at this point. I’m thankful for this yet I know it will change in years to come. Earlier in the week, I was pulled aside at daycare to discuss their Father’s Day project. It was brought to the attention of the teacher that what she picked would not be appropriate for Alexa since she is without a (living) father. I am sincerely thankful that they thought of her situation, however it is all around awkward. She was ultimately sent home with a bunch of “happy grandfathers day” items for my dad. Again, this was greatly appreciated. The day came and instead of sitting home, we celebrated with another father in our lives. I’m still getting used this whole “blended family/dating with children” or whatever you want to call it. The man in my life may not be my child’s father, but he is a father and I am happy to have celebrated it with him. I enjoyed the day and never felt like Alexa and I were missing out. I will admit to feeling slightly guilty, but her dad is not here, and we need to enjoy our time with the people who are. We had a great day, then stopped to visit Alex. I still don’t know how much Alexa understands, but we brought him a gift, said hi, and wished him a happy Father’s Day. He may not be around to raise her, but he is always going to be her father. Just when I thought I had done great and got through the holiday, something else hit me. I dropped her off at daycare today to find another “daddy” drawing in her cubby. This time it said “Alexa and daddy.” Daddy was then scratched out and changed to “mommy.” I know it was a mistake they attempted to fix, but man it hurt. Chalk it up to another odd experience….
I will close by saying happy Father’s Day to my dad. He has been there with me for the best and worst moments of my life. He’s an amazing man and I am so thankful he’s mine. Alexa is so lucky to have him as her grandfather.

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Life moves pretty fast

It has been a busy few weeks! I feel like I’m always saying that though!
The biggest overall thing is that after almost a year and a half, I sold
Alex’s bike. I toyed with the idea numerous times but really didn’t put full effort into it. I knew it would be incredibly difficult to part with. But really, what good was it doing me just sitting in the garage? It was taking up space and going to waste. I won’t say it was the easiest thing on earth to say goodbye to, but it was the right thing to do. It was his pride and joy and really meant the world to him. I’m glad someone can appreciate it and get use out of it. It feels weird to not see it hanging in the garage anymore but really, it did not feel as awful as I expected. The anticipation tends to be harder than the actual event.
Next up… Our wedding anniversary.
I planned a beach day as not to sit home thinking about it. I tried to make it as normal of a day as possible and really it was. I watched the recap video and smiled with tears in my eyes. It was so much easier to get through this year than last. I look back with happy memories. No matter what happened, it was an amazing day and I will never regret it. I liked being married, and though we did not live happily ever after, I have wonderful memories to hang onto and a beautiful daughter that resulted.
This week two years ago, Alexa was still in the hospital and I look back to each day, thinking of what we were doing. It was amazing and scary and stressful and beautiful. I’m glad we shared that experience and of course, so thankful that she is a happy healthy girl after all of that.
I’ve learned to take advantage of each day, live life to the fullest and be as happy as I can be. I guess a huge life changing experience will do that. The term “life is short” never meant so much to me.
This weekend I got to take Alexa to sesame place. I vaguely remember going as a child but I certainly remember the stories. It was amazing. I don’t know who had more fun. I can’t wait to take her back to see her excitement again and hear her shouting “Elmo!” I think for the first time, I wasn’t sad about Alexa experiencing things without him. That’s her life and we are going to enjoy it with the people who are here. No disrespect meant and it does seem a little strange… But I feel like we have a family again, and I like it.

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