Archive for October, 2014


Warning… This post has some rather strong opinions in it.
All over the news, Facebook and even on the cover of people magazine is a women planning to complete suicide. She has a plan, a date, a method etc….
Why, in this instance, are we glorifying suicide, putting this woman on a pedestal and writing about how brave she is for her choice, yet looking down on, judging and condemning others who have chosen this path? Because she has cancer? So it’s okay if you have an illness? How is that any different from choosing to die instead of suffering from / living with mental illness? Why is this woman being honored, yet others are chastised?
Ok.. So let’s go back to the cancer thing… She has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer… Though this is the exception to the rule, I know… People do survive this! People do beat the odds! People live years and years of happy life long after this diagnosis. How do I know? I’ve seen it… With the exact same diagnosis. I can’t imagine not wanting to fight!
Now the term “euthanasia….” As a veterinary technician, I am obviously in favor of euthanasia as the end of suffering. I do believe that “physician assisted suicide” or whatever you want to call it is a wonderful thing…. In the end. When there is no quality of life left and the end is near, we should have the right to go peacefully in sleep instead of suffering until the last second. When it comes to cancer, the end is agony, and I think it’s a wonderful thing we can do to end suffering… I’ll say it again… In the end.
This woman has a long way to go until that point… However, that’s MY opinion.
All in all… Who are we to judge? People like Alex and Robin Williams were called cowards and selfish while she’s called “brave.” Who are we to “decide” who deserves praise vs who we vilify?

His stuff

It’s amazing how after so much time… To me, things are still “Alex’s camera bag” or “Alex’s bin of randomness.” I’m leaving for vacation in two days and have spent most of today packing. I’m sick so it’s going a little slow. Leave it to me to be sick right before (hopefully not during) vacation. I have an old portable DVD player that I wanted to bring. I admit, I can’t remember the last time I used it. I can’t find the charger, so I started going through some things… Including “Alex’s random box of cords and wires.” Wow! What a mess! I have no idea what this stuff is and even after picking all though it… I didn’t find what I need. I found his old work bag and looked there too… I’m not even sure what the stuff is in there or why it’s still sitting in a closet with stuff in it.
I gave up on that and went through the “junk drawer” (everyone has one of those, right?) looking for some other random items I needed for vacation and found his old car keys… With a coach keychain with photos of us. I even found his passport, birth certificate and social security card.
I packed my camera and still, to this day, that camera bag feels like “his.” Strange…
What do I even do with all of this stuff?



Strange how your mind works

I drive past the funeral home from
Alex’s funeral often… Most of the time I hardly notice and if I do, I don’t really think much of it. Other days are different. I drive past and see myself laying on the ground of the parking lot, like I did that day. I see the fountain and am reminded of staring into it in such a haze. I remember the stairs so well… Dragging myself up them the night of the private viewing. A lot of those days are a blur. Truly some of the worst days of my life, yet I struggle to remember the details. Though the ins and outs of the place I have been to all of 4 times in my life stick out in my mind the most.

It’s October again!

Which means…. HALLOWEEN! Everyone knows that Halloween was our favorite holiday… Well it is still mine. Our first date was on Halloween (8 years ago!!) and we loved scary movies, dressing up, handing out candy, haunted houses… You name it. We were the cheesy couple that did couples costumes including, lady gaga and paparazzi, doctor and (as he called it) “stereotypical Filipino nurse,”) and even medical examiner and “patient.” I know.. That one seems highly inappropriate looking back…
So… What to be for Halloween this year is a question that has been plaguing me…. I can’t help but notice the further inappropriateness of costumes I am finding. I love the look of these two but really, considering my situation, it can be considered offensive if I do it. I think Alex would really get a kick out of it, and I don’t normally care what others think, but in this case, I would hate to offend.


Oh well.. Guess I’ll be a cat or something.

Here are some past photos… I admit I find them embarrassing now… Oddly enough, I could not find a photo of the medical examiner Halloween and didn’t find one of us together as doctor and nurse… Still… These are some great memories…




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